Saturday, March 10, 2012

A Particular Person

There are some things in life that I will never understand.  Politics, for example.  The workings of teenage male brains.  My own mood shifts.  But most of what I am convinced I will never understand this side of heaven is the thought patterns of certain individuals.

There is a certain person in particular who has me perplexed at present.  This particular person is known to have mental problems right out of the gate, but that doesn't always mean the worst.  I've had my own run with mental illnesses, specifically PTS and depression.  This particular person's conditions are more deeply rooted than these, but again, never judge.  On the other hand, these conditions make this particular person harder to read (not the same as judge) and therefore more difficult understand at times.  Recently, I have needed to let go of my relationship with this particular person.

This particular person believes that I have had a hand in ruining their life.  This particular person's parents believe the same, but for different reasons.  Through the grapevine it has come to light that both this particular person and the parent have been voicing in no uncertain terms their discontent with me.  Yet, this particular person contacted my husband to ask his opinion of whether they should ask me to get together, they really miss me.  Really?

First of all, what part of "I'm done" was unclear?  Second, if this particular person believes so strongly, as do other people in their life, that I am even partly responsible for several months of trauma, why on earth would they want to be anywhere near me?  So I can continue to be the blame for the after effects of recent events?  Do they really miss me or do they miss someone paying attention to them, having someone they know will be available to drag into the drama of life?

For better or worse, I have stopped trying to figure this particular person out.  I am at peace with the fact that I will never understand this particular person, and perhaps I'm not meant to.  I would love to see this particular person happy in life, but obviously any happiness we may have shared along the way has been shoved to the side to make room for blame.  I do not presume to guess what would make this particular person happy, since I simply don't understand.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Revelation: Ironic Blasphemy

Most people who associate with my husband and myself at his point in our lives know that we are believers and followers of Christ, and that we are working toward planting a church in our community.  People who knew us years ago and have fallen out of touch will most certainly stare slack-jawed in disbelief.  Though we were both raised in faith, we both turned away as teenagers ~ Josh doing a complete about-face/forward-sprint.

I first met Josh at the Ohio State Fair (insert hillbilly remark here) as part of the Youth Choir.  Anyone who has ever been in a high school choir can attest that religious songs are inescapable.  Being the jaded, spiteful teenager he was, Josh played a fun little game with these songs.  Whenever the name of God appeared in the lyrics, he would insert his own name.  "Shout to God"  became "Shout to Josh", "How Great Thou Art" was parodied to "How Great I Am".  I may have turned my back on church, but I still believed in God, and though I did giggle when I first heard this, I then asked if he realized he was going to hell.  In his young life, he could have cared less.

Very recently, Josh was given the opportunity to preach at a friend's church.  To illustrate a point, he recounted this little story.  More than 15 years have passed since were members of the Youth Choir, and we have told this story hundreds of times.  I'd even heard it in the car on our hour drive as Josh reviewed the sermon.  But for whatever reason, as I was halfheartedly listening to my husband preach (remember, I had already heard this an hour earlier) I was struck by the irony of this story.

My husband's name is Joshua.  The Hebrew translation of this name is Yeshua.  The Greek translation of Yeshua is Jesus.  "Shout to God" ~ "Shout to Josh(ua)" ~ "Shout to Jesus".  Without even realizing it, what was intended as blatant unbridled blasphemy suddenly became an ironic acknowledgement of the greatest truth.  The names of God the father and God the son were being used interchangeably, making the profession no act of blasphemy at all.

In hindsight, I'm bummed that I was not mature enough in my spiritual walk to see this at that age.  I would have enjoyed pointing this little tidbit out to him.  I'm also bummed that it has taken more than 15 years to become mature enough in my spiritual walk to see this.  Though Josh appreciated the irony when we talked after the sermon, it would have been much more satisfying to point this out to the atheist.