Though I was unaware of it at the time, we grew up pretty poor. I knew I had friends whose families had more than we did, but it is only with 20/20 hindsight that I understand just how little we really did have. Yet, we always seemed to have enough ~ sometimes just barely, but always. So when I see the "stuff" my kids have and all the things they get to do I think to myself, "These guys are so spoiled." Then I look farther out to my sons' peer groups, and I see all that they have and get to do and get away with, and I think to myself, "Not nearly as spoiled as some."
As the resident disciplinarian (do not be misled, my husband does discipline, I just seem to do so far more) I make the calls my children don't always like, and never appreciate in the moment. Among my sons' peer groups, I have been given the distinction of "The Evil Mom" because I make my children do chores *gasp!* and earn their allowances *gasp!* and receive due discipline for breaking the rules, and I wear this title with pride. When my oldest son had a few friends over after school on the last day of 6th grade and one of those friends continually used disrespectful language despite repeated warnings, I kicked him out of the house telling him that he was welcome to come back when he learned to respect my rules. It was 3 years before he came back inside, and he has been over many times since with no issue. Chaperoning a field trip for my younger son's 3rd grade class I informed him on the walk back to the school that if he didn't mellow and behave for the rest of the trip I would ground him from Netflix. (He was mimicking a character from a show he'd been watching.) A classmate looked at me with horror in his eyes and said, "You are so mean!" To which I replied, "Remember that if you ever come to our house." Not one of my more glowing moments, but a perfect example of why I don't do well with other people's children.
Yes, I am the mom who makes my kids pick up after themselves. Yes, I am the mom who expects my children to respect their elders (defined as "any person older than yourself"). Yes, I am the mom who lets my children fail and figure out how to climb out of the whole they have dug for themselves. Yes, my 6'4", 290lb, 17-year-old son is still unwilling to be within arms reach of me during an argument because he knows he may very well get smacked. No, my children do not rule my house, my life, or me ~ tho, I must admit that at times they do rule my schedule.
Long ago, I accepted the idea of God as Abba Father, daddy, the "ultimate parent". Considering the parent that I am, I also accept the idea of His parental discipline in my own life ~ and much like my own kids, I don't always like it or appreciate it in the moment. But, just like my children who are (hopefully) better for my discipline, I know I will be better for His. And just like my children who sometimes need help in seeing their gifts for the blessings that they are, I often need help recognizing the many blessings Daddy has bestowed upon me.
For quite some time now, I have been praying for rest. Not sleep, per se, not respite from the chaos of my life, but rest in the middle of it all. Yet, it seems rest has continually eluded me. By a twist of fate, I am not taking any classes this semester, so there is no studying to be done for the first time in 2 and a half years. My children are at ages where I do not need to constantly entertain, care for, or pick up after them and are actually a huge help in the care of the house. At the time of this writing, my husband is out of town for a while. It seems that at long last, after a very long time of asking, pleading, begging for rest, God has seen it fit to grant it to me.
And I have no idea what to do with it. I am actually bored.
Bored?!! What is wrong with you? You have finally been given exactly what you've asked for and you're BORED?!
Yep. I have had no idea what to do with this new-found down time, and I have been bored.
Now I am behaving like the spoiled brat. Here I have been given the answer to a prayer and I have acted ungratefully about it. I have failed to recognize this reprieve for the blessing that it is, and dismissed it as an unproductive waste of time. Time to back-peddle. Now I have to go to Dad and apologize for behaving like an entitled snot, beg for forgiveness, and thank Him for the gift He's given me ~ for the many gifts He's given me.
That's the problem right there. Most parents want to give their children the things they ask for, and though God is not "most parents", He is the example by which we learn to want to give our children the things they ask for. In fact, it is by His example that we often don't want to give our children exactly what they ask for, but want to give them so much more. God has given me so very many blessings that I often overlook them. I behave like an entitled, spoiled brat.
Today, I realized that I completely missed the gift Dad gave me. Today, I thanked Him for the rest I have been praying for. Today, my prayer has been that my eyes will be more open and attentive to recognize and appreciate the gifts He gives, and that He will forgive me for being a spoiled brat.
