Holding On To A Promise

Since January 2008 I have:

~ Dislocated ribs T8, 10, and 11 in the back; ribs T2, 3, and 4 in the front; and my collar bone at both ends - all on the right side.
~ Dislocated the left wrist 3 times in 3 different places.
~ Partially dislocated the L2 vertebrea
~ Dislocated both SI joints.
~ Dislocated both kneecaps.
~ Partially dislocated 3 different joints in my left foot - all at the same time.

This list doesn't even scratch the surface of the myriad of injuries sustained throughout my earlier life due to the maddening joint hypermobility I deal with or the developmental quirk that causes sciatic pain in my left hip.  Am I a train wreck, or what?  I feel like the embodiment of the the passages in the Gospels, "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

I haven't slept well in weeks due to the pain in my hip and shoulder preventing me from getting comfortable.  I toss and turn most of the night, jockeying to find a position that doesn't cause pain, tingling, or numbness somewhere in my being.  Lying on the left side hurts my hip, lying on the right hurts my shoulder, and lying flat on my back not only hurts my low back, but also causes tingling in my forearms and hands due to the way my elbows hit the mattress.  So more often than not, I end up in an uncomfortable looking twist, with my upper-body flat and my arms resting on my abdomen so the elbows don't hit the mattress, and my lower body twisted to the right with knees bent so there is no pressure on the left hip or low back.

My ribs have been bothersome for several days, and I've worn my brace more than once this week.  When the ribs are out in the front, muscle tension creeps up my neck into my jaw and ear.  When the ribs are out in the back, muscle tension radiates from my bra-line all the way up to the base of my head.  Today has been particularly rough as I woke up with muscles so bound up that I couldn't turn my head to the right without pain.  After several hours of wearing my brace, a few rounds of utilizing the heating pad, and a regular regimen of 30min on/30min off with the TENS unit, I can once again look to my right shoulder, but tension remains ~ and will, I have little doubt.

I'm too young to hurt like this.  I sometimes envy my "little old ladies", as I like to call a few of my patients who are in their 80's, who live very active, independent lives with little or no pain to speak of.  Here I am, less than half their ages, and I am completely falling apart.  I have a "Bucket List" a mile long that includes things like hiking the Appalachian Trail, hiking El Camino in Spain, and taking bicycling tours of foreign countries.  But, given how I feel at this exact moment, I doubt whether my body will hold up long enough for me to do any of it.  It truly sucks being held back by one's own physicality.

My spirit is more than willing ~ in fact, it yearns ~ but the body is less than cooperative.

My only solace is the faith and hope that one day my spirit will no longer be confined to this decrepit body, that one day my spirit will be free, with a new heavenly body that will never hurt, never feel pain, never be limited by the confines of mortal flesh.  In the meantime, I believe in a God of miracles, so I will continue to pray for one.  I doubt my worthiness and His willingness to answer in my favor, but it never hurts to ask.  Right?