Saturday, February 2, 2013

Exhaustion Or Justified Laziness

I should be doing homework.  Lord knows I'm behind at the moment and feeling a little overwhelmed by the prospect of what it will take to catch up.  I should be working out.  I've managed to take a few pounds off since the first of the year, but now that school is back in session and I am sitting more while reading, a couple of those pounds have found me again.  I should be doing housework.  Much as I'd like to say that the 3 other people who live in my house notice what needs to be done and take action, but let's be honest ~ they're guys.  Guys don't see the socks they just took off and threw on the floor, let alone the dog hair all over the carpet or the pink ring in the toilet.  I should be doing all kinds of things.  And yet, here I sit, at my computer, typing a blog.

I know I complain quite a bit about exhaustion.  And for me it is a real, diagnosed condition.  But like most people who have a chronic condition, I excel at wielding its powerful excuse potential.  Today is the perfect example.

With this weird Ohio weather, I've been fighting sinus inflammation for the last several days.  What started as tightness in my chest (very unusual, actually) moved up into my head and festered into a wicked sinus headache.  I won't run if I can't breathe, though I did still manage to get my core and strength training done, and that headache could have taken down a raging bull.  It took me down for about 10 hours.  Yesterday, I was feeling more human and, though I was bogged down with the stress of the ever accumulating homework, did my interval run.  I didn't really want to, but given the carb heavy lunch I'd eaten, I knew I needed to.  And I felt accomplished for having done it.

Today, I worked, then went to lab.  Time is always in a crunch on Saturdays this semester, so I never know if I will even have the opportunity to run.  As luck would have it, I finished lab early, and driving home in the snow made me decided to skip church this evening, giving me plenty of time to get my workout in.  Unfortunately, I didn't really feel like it.  I stalled for an hour by getting some much neglected homework done, but finally slipped on the running shoes and headed for the treadmill.  I decided to see how far I could sustain a 10 minute mile.

Remember, I've had a rough season with colds this year, and my head has never really been clear of congestion.  This always gets annoying when snot starts to drip down the back of my throat, but it doesn't impeded my ability to breathe.  The constriction that seems to be lingering in my chest from earlier this week, on the other hand, did a fine job of that.  The first mile went well, the next half was rough, the half following that had me sucking wind.  I gave up at the 2 mile mark ~ but I got there in 20 minutes.

As I walked my cool-down, my head was full of excuses.  I had just gotten over some wicked sinus crud, after all, and my chest still feels kinda tight.  My lungs just couldn't keep up with my legs this time.  I always have a dip in the energy level after feeling crummy for a few days.  I need to be patient and let my body recover.  I wasn't very good about drinking my water today and I'm sure dehydration played a role in my lack of performance.

The simple fact of the matter is that I just didn't want to push through it today.  Some days I have that scrapper mentality that nothing will beat me, other days I don't.  Today was a "don't" day.  But here's the question ~ am I truly exhausted, or just being lazy?

I had an acquaintance once tell me that it is exhausting for her to listen to me talk about the pace of my life.  Certainly living it must be intense.  Then there's the stress of my class load this semester, and the demands of my work, family, and ministry.  Surely one is allowed to be tired from all of this every once in a while ~ or are these just more excuses for laziness?

I am never very good about discerning what is the devil chewing on my ear and what is truly conviction from God, and this gray area is no exception.  I don't have the answer here, but I am looking for it.