A Day Without Pain

Strong-willed.  Bull-headed.  Stubborn.  Italian.  I prefer "determined".

Call me what you want (as long as it's not derogatory, if you actually expect me to answer), but the simple truth is that once I set my mind on something, few things short of an act of God will keep me from it.  For example, at age 16 I knew I wanted the man who is now my husband, and I spent a year chasing him.  Yes, I pursued him.  Were there others guys more easily accessible?  Probably.  But I didn't notice, nor did I care, because I knew who I wanted and set my mind to making him mine.  In my 20's, I ended up with a cracked shin bone and crushed cartilage in one knee.  When given the all clear from the orthopedist, I asked if I could go back to tae kwon do, kick boxing, and running.  I was advised that in order to stave off knee replacement for as long as possible, I may want to consider lesser-impact alternatives.  Though I was willing to give up tae kwon do and kick boxing, I was not willing to completely give up running.  It took several years, and enough setbacks to discourage a weaker spirit, but I ran my first half marathon last year.  Clearly, there are some instances when being persistent pays off.

In the spring of 2013, my sanity took a temporary leave of absence, which allowed me to register for a 10 mile running event.  In the process of training for this 10 mile event, my sanity went on another unauthorized vacation when I came across a promo for a women's only 1/2 marathon.  In my insane state, I thought, "If I can run 10 miles in September, surely I can run 13 in October," and I registered.

On August 28, 2013 ~ 11 days before the 10 miler and 5 weeks before the 1/2 ~ I took a tumble down my front steps and landed rather gracelessly on the asphalt driveway, resulting in a bruised tailbone, and then went backward against the steps, knocking both of my sacroiliac joints (where the spine and hip bones come together) and L2 vertebrae (mid-back-ish) out of place.  In non-anitomical terms, I thoroughly jacked up my hips and back.  Not exactly the most conducive condition for running.

Though hindsight is usually 20/20, I knew even as I was doing so that continuing to train was not going to speed my healing.  To be honest, I knew that continuing to train would be detrimental in most respects.  But, being "determined", I pushed through the pain and continued to train.  And it was only by the grace of God was I able to run and complete both events.  But not without ramifications.

The injuries sustained during that fall caused much grief for many reasons.  Pain aside ~ though, make no mistake, there were huge amounts of pain ~ living with a condition known as hyper-mobility makes recovery from dislocations (even partial dislocations, or subluxations) a very long, arduous, and frustrating process.  My hyper-mobility presents as abnormally loose ligaments (the bands that connect bones to bones within a joint) which, therefore, results in abnormally loose joints.  Not only do loose joints tend to dislocate much more easily, they do not hold very tightly or well when realigned.  When I dislocated a rib in 2008, it took 2 years to stabilize.  The wrist dislocation in 2010 took 18 months.  So the fact that my L2 is still not quite stable 12 months later is really not surprising ~ frustrating, to be sure, but not surprising.

But it was the SI joints that were the real pain.  I have battled hip and sciatic pain since I was a freshman in high school, so one would think I would be accustomed to having a permanent pain in my ass.  Yet, this was a new level of pain and aggravation.  It started in my low back, which makes sense since that's where the SI joints are located.  Then the pain moved to the groin area, which took me a while to figure out.  It eventually occurred to me that one of the muscles that crosses the SI joint attaches to the front of the thigh bone, and it was probably working overtime trying to keep the subluxed joint stable.  Yea.  Once that was under control, the pain moved square into the (very) fleshy part of my rear.  Lucky me.  It was the end of March 2014, 7 months after the fall, that the pain reached a tolerable level that no longer interfered with my daily life.

Then ~ wouldn't you know it? ~ in April, I injured my foot.  Are you kidding me??!!  Not sooner had I gotten the back and hip pain under some sort of control then the newest malady presented itself.  At first, I wondered if there was a connection between the foot pain and the uneven hips that resulted from the fall.  Maybe I was striking that heel harder when I ran.  Then it occurred to me that the foot pain began when I transitioned from running on a treadmill to running on the trails.  Could it have more to do with the uneven running surface? 

Being "determined", I pushed through the pain to continue to train for the 1/2 marathon I'd already committed to run.  Ice and ibuprofen became my best friends.  Then, on one of my trail runs, 4.25 miles in and less than a 1/4 mile from the parking lot, as it hit the ground, a searing hot, stabbing pain shot through the bottom of my foot.  "That's not a good sign," I thought.  I tried a few more steps and said, "Nope.  Ain't happenin'," and then I limped the rest of the way to the car.  The next morning, I limped into the office for an adjustment and was informed that I had a significant sublux between the heel bone and another that it works with, probably resulting in a sprain of the ligaments between the bones as well as the tendon of the muscle that connects there.  When I hurt myself, I go all out.

So here I am, just passing the one year anniversary of when it all began.  It dawned on me that I have not had a single day without pain for the last year.  Admittedly, a wounded healer is more effective and empathetic than one who has never experienced sickness or pain, and this experience has definitely given me new appreciation for people who live in far worse pain than mine.  But as my husband once observed, I don't like being restrained, and in that regard this pain has been a maddening and frustrating experience.  On the other hand, it has also been an incredibly humbling experience as it has required me to rely less on my own capabilities and more the the grace of God.  In spite of daily pain, I have still been able to accomplish a few rather significant fetes.  Sometimes we need to be broken down in order for God to build us up.  At least, that's the hope I'm holding onto through the rest of this healing process.