Bull in a China shop. That pretty much sums me up. I am not know for subtlety or gentleness, but I am know for the occasional rampage.
I seem to be a destroyer of things ~ most notably vehicles. I am vehicle hospice. Cars come to me to die. In the last 3 years I have blown engines in 2 vans an wrecked and SUV. I dropped my truck off at the mechanic once to have the oil changed and when I walked in he said, "Oh. I didn't know you were here yet. I didn't hear a tow truck." True story. Thanks Tim. Another time I picked the truck up after a major repair and ran into the mechanics wife, whom I've known longer than the mechanic. As we chatted, she said her first thought upon hearing that my vehicle had arrived was, "Woohoo!! We're headed to Hawaii!" She was joking, but only just barely. True story. Thanks Laurie.
A lesser admirable notoriety is my seemingly wanton destruction of relationships and other people's self esteem. I have a habit of biting my tongue only until it bleeds, and once I start to choke, I spew blood everywhere. Here's a perfect example. Several years ago, when Josh was a youth pastor, an event was planned that needed to be drastically cut back in the 11th hour due to lack of adult volunteers. He received a message at literally the last minute from a just-graduated-high-school leader that she was "disappointed" that the event was cut back and therefor would not be joining us at all, meaning that her younger brother, one of the youth kids, would also be missing out.
I really should mention that this person had unintentionally rubbed me the wrong way for quite some time before this. Many, many, many times I have needed to remind myself that she was very young, and in many ways an incredibly naive and sheltered child. Even still, her views of reality seemed to be to take on an almost fictional utopian extreme. Having been raised in a city with huge Mafia influence, growing up with alcoholics, and having a history of molestation, my view of reality might also be somewhat tainted, but in the opposite direction. Thus, I don't usually have tons of patience for people who have no real clue.
At any rate, I told this person what I wanted to tell them. And probably not in the most Christian manner. The result of this little spat was that the entire family walked away from the church we attended at the time. A while later, while involved in an email "discussion" with the church's pastor, in which I was letting him know what I thought about a few things, he reminded me that I am not the kindest person with my words. True. I am aware of this, and working toward improving. But I have never been a fan of sugar-coating ~ giving or receiving. I told this pastor that I believed one of my strengths was having the courage to say what other people won't, though, I certainly needed to fine tune the delivery. And there went another bridge smoldering to the bottom of the ravine.
Most recently, I have been unfriended on FB because of a comment. The unfriending doesn't bother me. People disappear from my friends list all the time without me having any idea why, but hey, it's FB ~ big deal. The reason for the unfriending is irritating, but hey, it's FB ~ big deal. This person caused our family quite a bit of chaos and inconvenience earlier this year, and we did everything we could to help him put life back together. A few months later, he was back on his destructive path, and posting things here and there that alluded to the activities. So I called him out on it. And he unfriended me. He told my husband that he did it because of the comment I'd left. I then asked if he'd unfriended the other chic who also made a comment to the same end. Of course, he hadn't. So once again, I have verbally slapped around yet another unsuspecting and tortured soul, apparently, according to some, only to entertain myself.
I don't say all of this to imply that I am proud of this behavior. It's more of a confession than boast. James 3:10 says, "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be." James must have looked 2000 years into the future, seen how I behave and thought, "Oh no. We need to nip this one in the bud." I seem to embody this verse. Unfortunately, I am more known for the cursing than the praise, the rampage through the China shop than window shopping.
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