Last April, Josh and I were blessed to attend a Koinonia spiritual retreat. Koinonia is similar to the Walk to Emmaus and Kairos retreats that we are also involved in, but Koinonia is shorter in its time-frame and a little more free in its structure. To be honest, I don't remember many details of that weekend, but I very clearly remember the spirit being present. I also remember Josh asking me how soon I thought it would be before we were asked to be on staff. I told him probably for the next weekend 6 months later.
Can I call it, or what?
Yes, Josh and I were called to be on the facilitating team for the October Koinonia weekend. We were given the option of working in the kitchen or as "disciples" in the prayer room. Thankfully, Josh committed us to kitchen duty. It's were we seem to be most suited. We always work in the kitchen for Emmaus weekends and I usually seem to end up in the food room for Kairos weekends, so we figure it's where we are called to be.
Being on a team for a retreat like this asks for a commitment of several weeks of team building meetings. The requirements differ from one ministry to the next, but the function is the same ~ to build a relationship between team members in order to more fully present Christ to the participants. We were not too terribly far into the team meetings when the darkness started to creep in.
The events of the early summer seemed to have left a door open a crack for a spiteful spirit to sneak in and hook its claws in me. All through this team building experience I struggled with spite and envy to degrees which do not ordinary rise up in me. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake it. During our last team meeting, as I continued to struggle with my demon, the disciples prayed over the rest of the team. As I moved from one pair to the next, feeling the laying of hands on my shoulders, I could also feel the conflict within, as if I were being pulled apart on the inside. When I finally reached the last pair to pray over me, one of them looked at me as if they could peer into my soul and see the evil that had taken up residence there. And it scared me.
One of the problems non-believers have with believers is the prevalence of "counterfeit Christians". Since accepting Christ for the second time I have tried to walk the talk. Now, here I was trying to hide my demons, embarrassed that I was less than perfect to serve. Not only was I battling spite and envy, but now I was burdened with the guilt of hiding it.
The few days immediately before the retreat weekend were the hardest for me. Circumstances at work were less then wonderful, events at home had me upset and resentful, and the hour long drive to the retreat was spent is anger, stewing and brooding. In hindsight, I can almost hear Satan laughing.
We got the the camp and set up our sleep arrangements, then headed toward the kitchen. There was a potluck dinner provided for the team and the hour(ish) before the official start of the weekend was spent in last minute prep and prayer. Once again the disciples prayed over each of the other crews within the larger team. One put anointing oil on each of our foreheads and prayer was offered up for endurance and protection. While they prayed over the other crews, I started to get a headache. When they finally made their way to the kitchen crew, anointing oil was placed on my head ~ and I thought it might explode from the pain. I chalked it up to sinus pressure and took some meds. The kitchen crew then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening in prep for the weekend.
No comments:
Post a Comment